This is going to be a very different then my usual animal based blog. My son had a dear friend that was killed two months ago in a car accident. He was 15 years old just like my son and had a promising future. Fast forward one month to a student that graduated last year came home from college and shot himself in the head in his back yard. His brother who came home off the bus made the discovery on his own.
Our small town has been turned upside down leaving a lot of grief in its path. Tonight my son attended a grief counseling group with other peers his age that have had a hard time getting through this terrible time. I came in during the last 15 minutes. I realize how moving and helpful this group is. The boy who shot himself was rumored to have been bullied which only makes it harder for some of the kids that are bullied in our schools.
We think of a grief counseling group for people who pass away. While I was there I realize that grief hits us all in so many different ways and for so many different reasons. Many people grieve their parent that may have left them when they were just a child. Grieve for a pet that has passed away or grieve for people who are struck by natural disasters and tragedy. In my opinion people who hurt or abuse animals and people have not allowed themselves a grieved process from something terrible that has happened in their life.
This may be the biggest part of me that I allow the public that I don’t know to see but I feel that is important for others that may be feeling the same way. I was molested as a child and to this day I grieve for the death of that child. That part of me that I lost forever and will never get back. It happened over 25 years ago but I am still in a grieving process. That part of me is forever gone. You have to allow yourself the 5 stages of grief. If you don’t you will find yourself angry, destructive, lonely and empty. I encourage everyone who has ever had any tragedy or death to go through these stages. No you can’t skip 2 or 3 of them you must go through them all in order to not be a person that may never find peace.
-Denial-“this can’t be happening to me”, looking for the former spouse in familiar places, or if it is death, setting the table for the person or acting as if they are still in living there. No crying. Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.
2-Anger-“why me?”, feelings of wanting to fight back or get even with spouse of divorce, for death, anger at the deceased, blaming them for leaving.
3-Bargaining-bargaining often takes place before the loss. Attempting to make deals with the spouse who is leaving, or attempting to make deals with God to stop or change the loss. Begging, wishing, praying for them to come back.
4-Depression-overwhelming feelings of hopelessness, frustration, bitterness, self-pity, mourning loss of person as well as the hopes, dreams and plans for the future. Feeling lack of control, feeling numb. Perhaps feeling suicidal.
5-Acceptance-there is a difference between resignation and acceptance. You have to accept the loss, not just try to bear it quietly. Realization that it takes two to make or break a marriage. Realization that the person is gone (in death) that it is not their fault, they didn’t leave you on purpose. (even in cases of suicide, often the deceased person, was not in their right frame of mind) Finding the good that can come out of the pain of loss, finding comfort and healing. Our goals turn toward personal growth. Stay with fond memories of person.
Patricks Movement 